|
It is amazing... You know when you talk to that one person in your life and everything just seems to melt into place. That happened to me last night. I was watching a movie with some friends, and my emotions were actually in tune for once. Then out of no where I just started balling my eyes out. It was like I kept digging myself deeper and deeper until my heart literally felt like it had a hole in it. The same thoughts kept running in my head, "Is she thnking about me?" " You see, I crossed the line and went to far with her. I knew her boundaries, I was with her for almost 2 years. But it was like I forgot who she was when she went to camp, I forgot what we were. Sure we were moving out together and I love her but I still forgot our very foundation of what started us. Trust started us. And for some reason my trust was fading, even though I knew she would never treat me wrong it just kept fading. So she is doing the "Leave me alone, or else thing" it is really sad that it had to come to this. Especailly for 2 people who love eachotherso much, love eachother to admit that they are soulmates. But Alyssa was right, she was right about leaving me, because now I know who I am and I need to change. She is getting to know who she is and she needs to change. The changes we need to go through seem so minor, but deep down they are so drastic to how our lives will play out. She does not need to explain herself, an explanation will hold her back to her change, she does not need to speak to me, because she knows we will be together again, she does not need to say she loves me, because I know, and she knows. Like I said before, I am upset that it had to come to a harsh email to get me to actually change, but maybe that is what we needed. I know I will get that one email, one phone call, or one text. And when that day comes I know I will open up. Back to the trust thing...It is weird...because now that I think about it..every issue we had was trust...And the scariest part was, I did trust her...I was just to prideful to let my gaurd down. Well, I am letting it down now..she has the cards.
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
courtezan's journal
happy
emo